Who is a narcissist?

By Irene Migwi -

 

A narcissist is a person with excessive interest in themselves. They require constant excessive admiration and expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it. A narcissist can be of any gender. Here at Coaching with Wangari Migwi, our aim is to reveal to you the behaviors of a narcissist, so that you can overcome their emotional manipulation.


Here is  a further breakdown of narcissism:
 

Characteristics of a narcissist

 
• They always put themselves first.
• They are preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty etc.
• They fear abandonment hence will always use this against you by threatening to leave you instead.
• They use disappearing act e.g When you have a small argument they walk out and disappear for hours without saying where they are headed and when they will be back.
• They try to get into your head and observe your weaknesses then use them to control you. E.g if you do not like public attention, they may threaten to cause a scene in public and shame you publicly if you don’t do what they want.
• They project their behavior on you e.g Accuse you of cheating and betrayal when in fact they are the ones cheating and betraying you.
• They pretend not to know about things you have clearly told them you are not comfortable with.
• They always put the blame of their mess on you. You are always the bad one. It is always your fault.
• They treat you as an object they own.
 
 

Narcissistic supply

Just the way a drug addict needs a drug, a narcissist needs their narcissistic supply from you. This is any form of attention you give them whether positive (complementing them, spending time with them, enabling them, appreciating them) or negative ( yelling at them, arguing with them, confronting them, complaining to them). Once you are emotionally attached to a narcissist, they have you right where they want you.
Intentionally inflicting pain on others is another form of narcissistic supply. Your anger, frustration, pain tears encourages them even more.
Money, awards, approval, image are also narcissistic supplies.
Anything that feeds their beliefs about the fantasies they have created where they are superior, perfect, untouchable, is a narcissist supply.
 
 

Narcissistic Addiction

The  addiction of a narcissist is as a result of dependence on external reinforcements e.g awards, approval, praises, compliments whereby they see their false self beliefs as actual facts. They do this in an attempt to keep the knowledge of their true self at bay. They are terrified of accepting the truth of who they really are.
By retaining power and control over you, they believe they are in control of themselves so in their mind
they win. THEY WIN THE BATTLE WITH THEMSELVES. There is no win for you. It was never your fight.
 

Narcissistic law of double standards 
 
Narcissists exhibit the following law of double standards, that is, they expect you to follow rules that they are not willing to follow. They include:
 

1.  What shall apply to you shall not apply to them e.g You are not allowed to be friends with members of the opposite sex, while they have lots of friends who are of the opposite sex.
 
2.  What they demand of you, shall not be asked of them. E.g they demand that you show them respect yet they always disrespect you even in front of others.
 
3.  They enforce rules that they themselves do not follow, yet you are required to follow e.g You are not allowed to hang out with your friends yet they always hang out with their friends.
 
4.  Whatever tactics they use on you shall not be used on them e.g They always find a way to use up all your money by making up excuses, but you are never allowed to go near their money. Any excuse you make for requesting for money is met with accusations of all sorts.
 
Do you think you are dealing with a narcissist in your relationship, friendship, or family? We can help you overcome their manipulation. Give us a call today on +254 716605610. Start your quest towards deep healing today and live the life you have always desired. Healing is within reach. 

 

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