How silent treatment is used to manipulate and control

By Irene Migwi -

Silent treatment is the behavior of intentionally refusing to communicate verbally with another person in a relationship. Generally, silent treatment can range from sulking to abusive controlling behavior. Does this mean that it's wrong to go silent after having a fight with your partner? Not necessarily. Besides, it's better to be silent than to throw hurtful words at your partner. 

 

 silent treatment and control

 

However, there are instances when silent treatment is used as a tool for emotional abuse and manipulation. Some people tend to use silent treatment to inflict pain without any actual physical bruising. In extreme cases, silent treatment can make the person on the receiving end feel rejected, unsure of themselves, guilty, and have low self esteem. 

 

 Silent treatment and contol

How to recognize when silent treatment is being used to control and manipulate you

Below are instances when silent treatment crosses the line from normal sulking to malevolent emotional abuse and manipulation. They include:

  • When it is used to frustrate your attempts at setting healthy boundaries(financial, time, sex, and personal space among others)
  • When it occurs frequently and lasts for longer periods.
  • When it only ends after you beg, apologize or give in to their demands.
  • When it is used to avoid owning responsibility for a mistake they made.
  • When it is used as a form of punishment and not a means of cooling off.
  • When you have been forced to change your behavior, moral values and standards in order to avoid the silent treatment. 

 

How to deal with silent treatment

So what do you do when you realize that someone close to you e.g. your partner, friend, or family member  likes to use silent treatment to get what they want from you? Here are a few tips that can help you deal with abusive silent treatment:

Approach them gently

This mostly applies to people who don't usually give the silent treatment. If someone close to you suddenly stops talking and responding to you after a fight or disagreement, and you find this behavior very unusual of them, approach them gently. Maybe they are hurting emotionally and thus the silence. Tell them how you've noticed their silence and lack of response and you would like to know why they are like that. Ensure that you empathize with them, so that they can open up to you more freely. 

 

 Silent treatment and control

 

Offer a solution

If someone you care about tends to go silent after a fight or disagreement, you can try to change this by suggesting a face to face meeting to discuss better communication methods for the future.  Discuss with them better ways of handling arguments or misunderstandings in future by taking turns to listen to expressions and feelings of each other without being judgemental.

Express yourself to them

Sometimes in life you need to stop waiting around for the other person to act and take action yourself. Until when will you wait for them to break their silence? Approach the person gently and tell them that you do not appreciate being ignored since it hurts your feelings and leaves you feeling frustrated. Tell the other person that you value communication and you would like to understand why they are silent.

If you know that lack of proper communication and silent treatment is a deal breaker for you, state it clearly to them. If they value you, they will improve and learn how to communicate whenever something is wrong. On the other hand, if they are using silence to manipulate you and make you do what they want, they will keep giving you the silent treatment as punishment. 

 

 

Ignore it until it passes

This mostly applies in cases where silent treatment is used frequently as a tool of control, manipulation, and emotional abuse. In such cases, the best thing you can do is not respond or react to their silence. This is because the abuser uses silent treatment to make you feel so guilty that you make the first move. When you do this, you will have no option but to give in to their demands. Instead of giving the silent person what they want, go about your business unbothered. 

Of course this will not be easy to do, but you have to put yourself first. We recommend that you distract yourself with work, exercise, or any other activity. The point of all this is to deny the abuser the reaction they want from you. Show them that silent treatment cannot be used to control or manipulate you.

Stand up for yourself

 When you can clearly tell that the other person is using silent treatment to manipulate you, we recommend that you simply just walk away from them. If you are in a relationship with him or her, quitting the relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself. This is especially if you have complained to them numerous times about the silent treatment, but they still use it against you to bend you to their will. 
 
 silent treatment and control

 

CONTACT US TODAY

Do you think someone close to you is intentionally punishing and controlling you using silent treatment? Would you like help to overcome their control and learn how to communicate clearly with them? Maybe you have endured silent treatment for so long and you are no longer sure if the relationship is worth saving, and you would like some advice. 
 
Whatever problem you may be facing, we are here to help you so that you can live a quality life. Give us a call today and talk to a professional Life Coach. Get in touch with us with the details below:
 
 

TELEPHONE:         +254 716605610

EMAIL:                     wangarimigwike@gmail.com

INSTAGRAM:          Coach Wangari Migwi

FACEBOOK:           Coaching with Wangari Migwi
 
 
 
 
 
 

 




 

 

Location: Nakuru, Kenya Nakuru, Kenya

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