ONE SIDED LOVE- How to set yourself free and find peace of mind

By Irene Migwi -

Have you ever loved someone so much, and saw them as the most amazing person you have ever met, and you believe them to be so perfect that they can do no wrong? You are willing to do anything for them and accept any sort of treatment from them, with the hopes that they will see you in the same way and love you back with the same amount of love you give them. But maybe they don’t have those feelings for you. 

 red rose with black background

Perhaps they are already in another relationship or are married. Maybe you have told them how you feel ,but they rejected you or turned you down because they only see you as a friend. Or you told them and they took advantage of that love and used you for financial benefits, sexual favors or to intentionally make someone else jealous. 

So what do you do when someone you love very much doesn't feel the same way and doesn’t appreciate what you feel for them? 

 

TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH ONE SIDED LOVE


Falling in love is supposed to be the one of the most amazing feelings you experience in your life. But when you love someone who doesn’t love you back, it can be frustrating, devastating and heartbreaking. Pull yourself together and follow these tips to move past the pain and move on with your life:

REALIZE THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER 

Ask yourself, “Why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?” Realize that you deserve to be with someone who loves you, appreciates all your efforts and genuinely cares about you. Without love, you would have probably never been truly happy with your crush in the long run. 
 
You loved them, it didn't work out, you survived a heartbreak and now you will be stronger. You will be more careful in the future with whom you give your heart to. Next time you will recognize the signs of one sided love and you will not repeat the same mistakes again. You deserve better than to be in a one sided relationship. Anyone who doesn't realize how awesome you are, doesn't deserve you either.

it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations board decor

 

SAY GOODBYE TO ALL FANTASIES ABOUT THIS PERSON

Maybe you think the person you have completely fallen for, has a crush on you too. This hopeful thought is enough to keep you up all night. But try and be realistic. 
 
If this person has clearly told you before that they are not interested in you, they don’t make any effort to keep in touch with you, and they never make time for you to spend together, it is time to wake up and finally accept that your crush probably doesn't feel the same way about you. 
 

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

Rejection can be a bitter pill to swallow, and it may leave you with feelings and thoughts of self doubt and unworthiness. Loving someone doesn't guarantee that they will love you back. It is not your fault. It doesn't mean that you were not good enough. 
 
Perhaps they are just in a different place in their life, or they just got out of a long term relationship, or they are supporting a sick family member. Who knows what the reason could be. The point is, them not loving you back has nothing to do with you. 
 
Accepting the reality of the situation is tough but it is the most important step towards dealing with your broken heart.

DON’T BLAME YOUR CRUSH

It isn't your crush's fault that they didn't fall in love. They may not be in a position to love anyone right now. Whatever the reason why they can't love you back, it won't do any good to hold feelings of anger, resentment and grudges against them. 
 
Forgive the other person and start the healing process by letting go of the disappointment that is weighing on your heart. 


man leaning on wall

 

DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM YOUR CRUSH

Sometimes we have a hard time coming to terms with one sided love. We may think that if we do something different or change our approach, it might work out. “If only I could make them see how much I love them…” “ If I could just talk to them in person…”
 
DON'T fall for it. 
 
The best thing to do for yourself is to put some distance between you and your crush. The hope you feel is only a fantasy. What you need, is time to accept that it was not meant to be. Cut off all communication. 
 
Don't stalk their social media. 
 
Don't “accidentally” run into your crush at their workplace, neighborhood, church or local hangout.
 
It's time for you to move on. It will be easier when there is a healthy distance between you two. Spend time with family, friends and surround yourself with people who actually love and care for you.


FOCUS ON YOUR FUTURE

Acknowledge that you have been hurt and that you will need some time to recover. This does not mean that you lock yourself away for 5 months. Now is a great time to rethink your future. 
 
Throw yourself into something new. Focus on what you want to accomplish with your life. Where do you want to be in the next 5-10 years in terms of finances, career, education, business? What are your goals in life? What about developing a new hobby? 
 
You had probably made all kinds of plans for you and your crush in your head, but since things didn't work out, how about you start making new plans for yourself? 
 
Planning will not only help take the focus off the painful experience, but you can also turn those feelings of hurt and disappointment into feelings of excitement for what the future holds. 


 

START DATING AGAIN 

Forget the idea that your crush is the only amazing, perfect person in the world. There are a lot of incredible people out there who are looking for love. Don't give up on happiness just because you gave your heart to the wrong person. Who knows, you could find someone who will truly see how great you are and will never take your love for granted. So go out there and live your life.

You are not difficult to love. You are just expecting it from the wrong person.

 
Did you find this helpful? We would definitely love your feedback. And if you feel you need to talk to a Certified Life Coach about your love life, get in touch with us immediately. 
 

Contact us on:
 

TELEPHONE:         +254 716605610

EMAIL:                     wangarimigwike@gmail.com

INSTAGRAM:          Coach Wangari Migwi

FACEBOOK:           Coaching with Wangari Migwi



 

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